I just got the best New Year's Eve last night. I sat in a dining room with a really good friend who is more than 10 years older than me, with a dog, pizza, and a bottle of white wine. When dinner was over, we watched simple TV series on Netflix. Talking with this person always makes me feel like heavy baggage has been lifted from my chest. I am grateful that I have a friend who agrees that solitude is a privilege. Some time ago, I was "forced" to not like myself: an ultimate introvert who enjoys being alone at home. That doesn't mean that I don't have friends; I have, and it turns out they are just like me. We hate spending time with people whom we don't originally want to spend time with, just because they work in the same place as us or an extended family. We choose our friends deliberately, and I want the person who loves me, will understand that.

At midnight, I asked if my good friend had any resolution for 2019.
"Nothing. Just finishing my 2012's resolution."
And we went to bed.

I can count that I had four major heartbreak in 2018, and I was reminded last night that I have to be grateful for 'em. Nothing to be cried for anymore; each of them has taught me a big lesson. Whether it was about men, death, or didn't get accredited for my scientific work. I was a fool; no, I wasn't. It's just that I was someone else than the person I see in my mirror today. Within the past few days in the end year holidays, I watched one Peruvian and two French movies from Netflix, which really helped me to get over these problems with myself. I recommend you take your time alone to watch these movies. Especially if you are a woman struggling to fight over patriarchal problems and need support.

First is Soltera Codiciada, a hilarious movie with beautiful color palettes in every scene. The premise of this movie is simple, yet, the dialogues and imagery are rich. This movie really captures what typical girls do when they are brokenhearted, but it makes me realize that no woman should leave anything they have (a career or a life) for a man. A woman should stop to try only to make their boyfriend happy but feels okay when her boyfriend doesn't put in the same effort. When the man says that it is not equal to compare his girlfriend's career in Lima with his scholarship in Madrid, the woman says it is equal. The problem is, the man just won't leave his life for her woman and force her to follow him so he won't be lonely and cheating.

The second movie is Je ne suis pas un homme facile, which portrays a parallel universe where women are the superior gender, and a Don Juan-sexist man is someday stranded in this universe and realize that he is the inferior gender. Women drive him, flirt with him, leave him when they know that he doesn't wax, cheat on him, and lie to him. Men who voice out their rights are called the "masculist," and powerful women hate them - and even make fun of them. This man falls in love with a woman who rejects him in his original universe. In this matriarchal universe, she is a bestselling novel author - not a secretary to a novelist in his universe and sleeps with so many men in Paris, leaving them the day after. This movie brings the possible inequality cause to the spotlight: whichever gender that is superior to another will start to behave unpleasantly to the opposite. Both genders should work together and learn how to respect each other. I hope someday Indonesia will be able to catch up with Iceland in this regard.

Last but not least, the Le Jeu. Seven friends having dinner on a moon eclipse night, playing a game by putting all mobile phones on the table, and whichever phone rings, the owner should read out loud the message or answer the call. I learned from this movie that truth is indeed painful, and we always have the choice: living as usual and letting the lies there happen without us knowing, letting the lies beneath our relationship and suppress them, or - revealing all the truth, leaving the relationship, left broken, and go away with it. I prefer the last choice, and yes, we all have a choice. As behavioral economics has taught me that our brain deceives us to feel more pain when we lose something greater than happy when we obtain equal numbers, it is better to lose once and big than to lose none but get none as well.

So this is my resolution in 2019:
I will look forward to life without regretting things that happened in 2018, get away with it, stay strong, and not to discuss again how my significant others have broken me.
I know that it took months, places, and many new friends to heal, but I do also recognize that it's worth the result.
To provide spaces for new memory, we need to eliminate old memories. To omit the old memories, we need to create new memories. All goes around.
These people have helped me to get stronger, to say hi to the better version of me, and also to consider better choices in life.
I know we always get thrilled when we come into new places or get into a new adventure, so let's get into the new year and write new stories!

Salute!

©boyfriend